Monday, January 3, 2011
Short of Breath
I think there should be a condition for the feeling you get at the end of a really great vacation. Like post-vacation depression. It should be a medical condition in which the only cure is more vacation! I guess the problem would be never really be solved then, but I still think the feeling should at least be acknowledged.
Today is technically my first non vacation day although I didn't get any sub calls because people don't want a sub on the first day back. So I guess I'm still on vacation! Yet this vacation seems worlds away from the one I was only just two short weeks ago.
I have ventured to the Caribbean and Central America and back to the Rocky Mountains since then and like all wonderful vacations I never wanted it to end. The weather, the people, the food and the ocean are all things I could get used to down there--it was truly beautiful in so many ways. I tried and figure out what I did to deserve 16 days in paradise as I sat on the beach one day listening to the distant motor of a boat and the palm trees that flapped together sounding like bird's wings. The beauty overwhelmed me and in certain moments of life it can actually take your breath away. I know it's happened to me several times just on this trip.
Like the time I hiked to the top of a volcano rim where you felt as though you could taste the view it was so abundantly luscious. We sat in the clouds that day listening to our voices bounce off the tree tops and eventually fade away into the memory of the earth. Later we ran back down the mountain splashing up the rich Caribbean mud created from the rain that began to fall right as we made our way back. This time it was our laughter echoed through the trees. My breath was taken away once again when I swam through a school of bright yellow-tailed snappers and down into a ship resting at its grave. Soon after I watched as two of my friends beamed through their regulators after they agreed to get married thirty feet underwater, proving that true love anywhere even without words filling the air. My breath was taken away once again by the sheer awesomeness of the sky and the many different roles it can play. Sunsets and sunrises never failed to amaze me as I would watch the sky blushing from a light pink to a deep magenta. Clouds rolled in and out harnessing the colors to create even more of a spectacle. At night the starts were so plentiful and so bright I felt as though this must be some kind of far off dream--for nothing is this deeply pure in real life. From the glowing rich colors of the fish and coral to the blazing sky to the warm ocean breeze to the hot sun on my body to the ancient ruins of a mysterious culture, to the the rich, tropical jungle, to the smiles of the people I love around me, my appreciation for life and its beauty never stopped growing. It is hard now to believe that I was thinking all this as I sat on the beach as I type in my sweatshirt while there is snow resting on my doorstep right outside. It is also hard to believe that I didn't need some sort of figurative CPR for all the times my breath was taken away!
Some moments you just want to bottle up and keep for a day where nothing seems to be going your way. Some moments you wish you could replay like a video and watch. Some moments you just want to keep that feeling forever. Yet you cannot live in a moment forever, for it is one of times cruelties. The next best thing is keeping that moment's memory alive and a part of you. Sharing the passion you felt, projecting your happiness and just realizing that life itself is just one of these moments on top of another. And a realization like that just might take your breath away :)
Today is technically my first non vacation day although I didn't get any sub calls because people don't want a sub on the first day back. So I guess I'm still on vacation! Yet this vacation seems worlds away from the one I was only just two short weeks ago.
I have ventured to the Caribbean and Central America and back to the Rocky Mountains since then and like all wonderful vacations I never wanted it to end. The weather, the people, the food and the ocean are all things I could get used to down there--it was truly beautiful in so many ways. I tried and figure out what I did to deserve 16 days in paradise as I sat on the beach one day listening to the distant motor of a boat and the palm trees that flapped together sounding like bird's wings. The beauty overwhelmed me and in certain moments of life it can actually take your breath away. I know it's happened to me several times just on this trip.
Like the time I hiked to the top of a volcano rim where you felt as though you could taste the view it was so abundantly luscious. We sat in the clouds that day listening to our voices bounce off the tree tops and eventually fade away into the memory of the earth. Later we ran back down the mountain splashing up the rich Caribbean mud created from the rain that began to fall right as we made our way back. This time it was our laughter echoed through the trees. My breath was taken away once again when I swam through a school of bright yellow-tailed snappers and down into a ship resting at its grave. Soon after I watched as two of my friends beamed through their regulators after they agreed to get married thirty feet underwater, proving that true love anywhere even without words filling the air. My breath was taken away once again by the sheer awesomeness of the sky and the many different roles it can play. Sunsets and sunrises never failed to amaze me as I would watch the sky blushing from a light pink to a deep magenta. Clouds rolled in and out harnessing the colors to create even more of a spectacle. At night the starts were so plentiful and so bright I felt as though this must be some kind of far off dream--for nothing is this deeply pure in real life. From the glowing rich colors of the fish and coral to the blazing sky to the warm ocean breeze to the hot sun on my body to the ancient ruins of a mysterious culture, to the the rich, tropical jungle, to the smiles of the people I love around me, my appreciation for life and its beauty never stopped growing. It is hard now to believe that I was thinking all this as I sat on the beach as I type in my sweatshirt while there is snow resting on my doorstep right outside. It is also hard to believe that I didn't need some sort of figurative CPR for all the times my breath was taken away!
Some moments you just want to bottle up and keep for a day where nothing seems to be going your way. Some moments you wish you could replay like a video and watch. Some moments you just want to keep that feeling forever. Yet you cannot live in a moment forever, for it is one of times cruelties. The next best thing is keeping that moment's memory alive and a part of you. Sharing the passion you felt, projecting your happiness and just realizing that life itself is just one of these moments on top of another. And a realization like that just might take your breath away :)
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
From the Journey Behind to the Journey Ahead
When the question of to travel or not to travel is posed to me, I of course choose to travel! Which is how I ended up on my most recent of adventures: a 28 hour road trip to the good old (and very far) state of Connecticut. It so happened that my old roommate and great friend, Lauren, decided to bid farewell to all of us lazy westerners and take on the world of life in the fast lane. Quite literally--upon arriving in the East coast people were hurriedly speeding past us at 10, 15 and even 20 miles faster than the speed limit. We quickly realized those limits were more guidelines than actual rules (they're just like pirates out there). We early left on a calm and sunny Friday in Denver, Colorado after a teary goodbye exchange between Lauren and her mom and we were off with nothing but the almost 1700 miles of road between us and our desired destination. Lauren's trip was not one for business but rather in the name of love so she put petal to metal for every hour of the 28 to make it in a timely fashion. It so happens that her car was a stick shift which is ironic because that is the only car I can't drive. Fast ones, slow ones, big ones, little ones--those I can do. But stick shift...not so much :) Despite my initial worries, it actually turned out fine and we decided that as long as I wasn't sleeping I was doing a great job of just keeping good company. So we set of driving the first nine hours until stopping in lovely and incredibly exciting Iowa. The drive was less than thrilling--Colorado being the most boring of all with nothing but prairie as far as the eye could see. We ended out trip in the overcast city of Des Moines, our heads swirling with dreams of just laying flat on a bed. Miles and miles of corn really tuckers you out! Needless to say, I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow (well, kinda).
Day two was an 8 hour stretch and now that we were road tripping pros we only stopped twice the whole way through the Midwest. Our diet was top notch--all of the five star restaurants we could find--Dairy Queen, Burger King, KFC, Pizza Hut, McD's, Starbucks, Steak and Shake. Really high quality places and you can imagine how good we felt after such feasts! I've never looked better. Our second night we stayed in a small town right off the highway in Ohio. We felt they were quite friendly as we passed through Wood County onto Cummings Road. I could tell this was gonna be a real stand up place. As soon as I walked into the room I knew I was right. They did not disappoint in Milan, Ohio. In the corner of the room was a giant, pink "whirlpool" tucked neatly in the corner. Oh, and did I mention this was the corner of the BEDROOM? Upon seeing such a surprise I did what you should expect me to do--cheer while I ran to grab my swim suit (I knew it would need it for something!). I figured I might as well take advantage of amazing relaxation while I could. Lauren was weirded out as any normal person would be, but she was a good sport and took a picture of me in this wonderful whirlpool to post on the worldwide web. I've never had the extreme luxury of watching TV in my own private hotubbathwhirlpool so taking advantage of that was surely a memory I will never forget. It was the perfect treat to relax after a tiring day of sitting.
The next day was our final stretch into the great wilderness and I have to say this day was my favorite. Getting out of the Midwest could have done it for me on its own but to top it off was the amazing scenery. It was as if the weather knew the state boarder line because almost immediately upon arriving in Pennsylvania the clouds parted and displayed hundreds of thousands of brilliantly beautiful multi-colored trees so crowded together it looks as though they were stacked one on top of the other. I tried to capture the majesty of this picturesque scene but my little Kodak camera did not do it a bit of justice. I felt like there should have been really inspirational road trip montage-like music as we drove to create even more awe with the breathtaking visions around us. We passed from a luscious and enchanting Pennsylvania into a rockier New Jersey then into a densely populated New York and finally into Stamford, Connecticut, Lauren's new home sweet home. All with the help of the AAA guidebook and our dear friend, Garney (yes, we named the GPS). Exhausted and relieved we made our way into Lauren and Brett's new apartment. It's hard for me to imagine what this would be like--going to an unknown place, walking into an apartment you have never seen that is your new home and starting a life with the person you love. I'm not in the place right now—no where close to it really, but being there made me me see what it would be life. It made me realize that in some distant way I'm excited for all of that. But until then I was really excited for them! So we wasted no time in setting up house and trying to make these empty rooms into a home. We ran crazy errands--lots of Target trips, Wal-Mart, the mall, the store. They bought stuff and lots of it and we were quick to put it in its rightful place. We explored town, took walks, tasted the local eateries, and even built a neat little desk and enjoyed a brew at a local bar. It was fun to see a glimpse of what their lives are going to be like and I was glad she let me be a part of it. But after almost a week it was time for me to shake the dust off my small town boots and put on my big city city shoes to stir things up in the Big Apple.
I took the express train from Stamford to New York and then the subway to meet my old pal, Alex. As soon as I got there, there was no mistaking it--I was definitely in New York City. It was almost a culture shock from the small town I was in just an hour ago. Since this was my second time visiting the familiars of the place all came rushing back along with my love for it. It's hard not to fall in love with a place like NYC, it’s hip and exciting, fast and fashionable, loud and dirty and you are constantly stimulated by everything around you. Maybe I don't know myself well enough, but I couldn't tell if I could live in a place like that. I don't know if central park would cure my outdoorsy itch or if I would miss the wilderness. I don't think I could live there forever, but maybe for a while in my young years. In all honestly I don't see myself moving there anytime soon so I don't think I even need to worry about it, but it is a vision that I think of sometimes. I couldn't get enough of it--the sights--especially the people, the smells, the vibe. It’s just so, well simply put, cool. The "ultimate melting pot experiment" as Alex's friend, Julian, put it. Throw together all types of people from all sorts of backgrounds all over the world-- construct a giant concrete jungle and tell them all to go play. Now, it’s not the nicest of play grounds but even with their disputes they seem to have some unspoken way of how they all can "get along". They don't always play nice and they aren't afraid to express themselves (yelling, honking...) but it seems to work for them and it works magic on me every time.
After Alex and I debriefed and caught up we wined and dined at a delicious pizza place not far from his apartment on the lower east side. We met his pal Julian for a few drinks afterwards and after reading the actual scripts from SNL (Julian works there) we decided to call it a relatively early night. Well, at least for New York standards.
Friday was spent walking which was what I wanted to do anyway. I just needed to take it all in. Julian and I went to the financial district and got to see the famous Wall Street and that huge bull that everyone loves so damn much. We walked to Battery Park to get a somewhat foggy view of good old Lady Liberty and a very clear view of Spongebob Squarepants himself. We meandered to and outdoor food/shopping pier to meet Alex and his co-worker for lunch before heading to Brooklyn Bridge. I snapped some pictures of the city and the water around us, yet the camera did not to the magnificent city justice. Once again. It was a hot and muggy day so around five we decided to head back to the apartment after grabbing some delicious gelato from "El Labratorio"--a past favorite for me. We relaxed until we decided to head back out--this time across town to meet New York local and long time friend of Alex's, Tomas. Alex and I hopped on the subway and took the long ride across town, stopping once for a quick Chipotle fix. From there (and after watching a chunk of one of my favorite flicks--Slumdog Millionaire) we hit up a few bars back near Alex's place and danced deep into the night. The End. Just kidding, that just sounded really corny. But it really was deep into the night--clubs and bars shut down around 3:30 or 4 in the morning--just the time I would normally be actually falling asleep from a night out. So you can imagine after closing, the loitering, the eating of hot dogs, bedtime is almost at sunrise. Gotta love it.
Saturday we got up at the ungodly hour of noon and made our way to a bar to watch the BC football team get stomped since Alex and Tomas are such good alumni. Afterwards Alex and I walked around taking our time, stopping to sit on a bench to listen to some jam band from Oregon if just lazily relax in the park, basking in the mid afternoon sun. We walked up to Times Square and weaved our way through the masses before meeting up with one of his friends for a drink. Later we feasted on Indian good--a taste that has been missing from my life since Japan. It was a good reunion for my taste buds. After we showered and watched the Rockies win we took a cab to Brooklyn for an apartment fiesta with Tomas and his brother.
Now, this was no normal apartment gathering. From the outside it looked pretty nice and quiet but when we went in the fancy elevators and slick floors made me think this was not just any old apartment. When we got to this guy's place we were greeted by friends of theirs and offered too much food. There was a living room with bedrooms on each side with a big window that opened up to a nice view. But it was up the swirly staircase that was really the amazing view. He had a deck that overlooked all of Manhattan and at that time of night it was absolutely brilliant. The cameras we had didn't reach the city lights so I could only hold this shot in my memory. There is just something unbelievable that something like that was built by the hand of a man. Don't get me wrong, any nature view could out-wow me compared to a city view, but the view of New York from far away is on the top of my breathtaking city views just next to Bangkok, Seoul and Tokyo.
After we had our fix of viewing, eating, drinking and chatting we took a cab back to Manhattan and hit up the clubs once again. We danced until the last possible minute the club was open and probably crawled into bed just a little before 6 am. The next day was a leisurely one, we walked around the apple street fair, eating and watching the crowds. I love street markets so I was heartedly enjoying this one. Plus the apples and apple juice were among the best I've tasted. Must be why they call it the Big Apple! I also got a very trendy NY looking hat and some nice, big, red sunglasses. Later we went to a bar and watched the Broncos lose as we battled our way through three giant plates of nachos. The part of town really came alive at night and on our walk home I was extremely entertained with the people all around us. As well as my own company, we had a great time.
Alex walked and rode with me back to Grand Central and we waited on a staircase for my train. There is a reason they call that place Grand Central--it really is grand. The ceilings are so tall that after a while I can't even really tell where they begin. They are covered with beautiful paintings that arch and turn with the curve of the building. After Alex and I said our goodbyes, I took the train back to Stamford where Lauren and Brett picked me up and took me back to their even more furnished apartment. In my absence they had an extremely productive weekend!
The next day Lauren and I just hung out before she took me to the airport that was actually in New York, but closer to CT. We had a teary hug--saying goodbye never gets any easier. This time was different because although we have somewhat become more accustomed to goodbyes, we always knew when the next time we would see each other would be. This time it is a mystery. I did feel better knowing that her journey was going to be an exciting adventure and she has been waiting a long time for this!
My journey home was a long one--a layover in Atlanta with a delayed flight and by the time I finally got home, sleep was heavy on my mind. Since then things have been a whirlwind. I started packing since I signed a lease on an apartment near wash park (!!), and I tried to get back in the swing of subbing, working out and friends. We had a game night, the last night of Denver Cruisers (ski in ski out theme) and the big weekend move. I literally spent all weekend shopping, packing and organizing to get everything moved over by Sunday. My goal was complete with the help of four of my best friends and of course my parents. By the time nine o'clock Sunday night rolled around I was comfortably sitting in my new apartment, everything put in its respected places and boxes stacked to the ceiling. My main tasks this week will be decorating and running. Lots of running. I signed up for a 10k a few months ago thinking I would be ready. Ha! Funny how time just slips away and somehow there it is--the date you thought was so far away is right in your face.
Laying in bed last night I couldn't help but just feel excited for life. It took me forever to just fall asleep because my mind wouldn't turn off. There are so many things I want to accomplish and I feel like this move finally revved my motivation into gear. The year after Japan was an interesting one and although there were times where I felt extremely stagnant and frustrated with myself, there was also growth going on that only my older self can look back and see. Japan expanded me, made me grow in unimaginable ways and just because I was home and not learning something new everyday doesn't mean that I wasn't learning at all. I was taking in the relationships around me, molding them into something that could last the rest of my life. I was learning how to deal with uncertainty and most of all learning how to know and feel good about myself. Of course I wavered, of course I lost my footing at times, but if I did not I would not be human. I feel I am in a better place now than I was six months ago and I just hope to continue to grow so I can say that six months from now.
It seems the real reason I couldn't sleep is because I cannot wait to see where the road ahead takes me. I am elated because so far it has taken me on a pretty amazing and wild ride. Now that, my friends, is a good reason for not being able to sleep!
Day two was an 8 hour stretch and now that we were road tripping pros we only stopped twice the whole way through the Midwest. Our diet was top notch--all of the five star restaurants we could find--Dairy Queen, Burger King, KFC, Pizza Hut, McD's, Starbucks, Steak and Shake. Really high quality places and you can imagine how good we felt after such feasts! I've never looked better. Our second night we stayed in a small town right off the highway in Ohio. We felt they were quite friendly as we passed through Wood County onto Cummings Road. I could tell this was gonna be a real stand up place. As soon as I walked into the room I knew I was right. They did not disappoint in Milan, Ohio. In the corner of the room was a giant, pink "whirlpool" tucked neatly in the corner. Oh, and did I mention this was the corner of the BEDROOM? Upon seeing such a surprise I did what you should expect me to do--cheer while I ran to grab my swim suit (I knew it would need it for something!). I figured I might as well take advantage of amazing relaxation while I could. Lauren was weirded out as any normal person would be, but she was a good sport and took a picture of me in this wonderful whirlpool to post on the worldwide web. I've never had the extreme luxury of watching TV in my own private hotubbathwhirlpool so taking advantage of that was surely a memory I will never forget. It was the perfect treat to relax after a tiring day of sitting.
The next day was our final stretch into the great wilderness and I have to say this day was my favorite. Getting out of the Midwest could have done it for me on its own but to top it off was the amazing scenery. It was as if the weather knew the state boarder line because almost immediately upon arriving in Pennsylvania the clouds parted and displayed hundreds of thousands of brilliantly beautiful multi-colored trees so crowded together it looks as though they were stacked one on top of the other. I tried to capture the majesty of this picturesque scene but my little Kodak camera did not do it a bit of justice. I felt like there should have been really inspirational road trip montage-like music as we drove to create even more awe with the breathtaking visions around us. We passed from a luscious and enchanting Pennsylvania into a rockier New Jersey then into a densely populated New York and finally into Stamford, Connecticut, Lauren's new home sweet home. All with the help of the AAA guidebook and our dear friend, Garney (yes, we named the GPS). Exhausted and relieved we made our way into Lauren and Brett's new apartment. It's hard for me to imagine what this would be like--going to an unknown place, walking into an apartment you have never seen that is your new home and starting a life with the person you love. I'm not in the place right now—no where close to it really, but being there made me me see what it would be life. It made me realize that in some distant way I'm excited for all of that. But until then I was really excited for them! So we wasted no time in setting up house and trying to make these empty rooms into a home. We ran crazy errands--lots of Target trips, Wal-Mart, the mall, the store. They bought stuff and lots of it and we were quick to put it in its rightful place. We explored town, took walks, tasted the local eateries, and even built a neat little desk and enjoyed a brew at a local bar. It was fun to see a glimpse of what their lives are going to be like and I was glad she let me be a part of it. But after almost a week it was time for me to shake the dust off my small town boots and put on my big city city shoes to stir things up in the Big Apple.
I took the express train from Stamford to New York and then the subway to meet my old pal, Alex. As soon as I got there, there was no mistaking it--I was definitely in New York City. It was almost a culture shock from the small town I was in just an hour ago. Since this was my second time visiting the familiars of the place all came rushing back along with my love for it. It's hard not to fall in love with a place like NYC, it’s hip and exciting, fast and fashionable, loud and dirty and you are constantly stimulated by everything around you. Maybe I don't know myself well enough, but I couldn't tell if I could live in a place like that. I don't know if central park would cure my outdoorsy itch or if I would miss the wilderness. I don't think I could live there forever, but maybe for a while in my young years. In all honestly I don't see myself moving there anytime soon so I don't think I even need to worry about it, but it is a vision that I think of sometimes. I couldn't get enough of it--the sights--especially the people, the smells, the vibe. It’s just so, well simply put, cool. The "ultimate melting pot experiment" as Alex's friend, Julian, put it. Throw together all types of people from all sorts of backgrounds all over the world-- construct a giant concrete jungle and tell them all to go play. Now, it’s not the nicest of play grounds but even with their disputes they seem to have some unspoken way of how they all can "get along". They don't always play nice and they aren't afraid to express themselves (yelling, honking...) but it seems to work for them and it works magic on me every time.
After Alex and I debriefed and caught up we wined and dined at a delicious pizza place not far from his apartment on the lower east side. We met his pal Julian for a few drinks afterwards and after reading the actual scripts from SNL (Julian works there) we decided to call it a relatively early night. Well, at least for New York standards.
Friday was spent walking which was what I wanted to do anyway. I just needed to take it all in. Julian and I went to the financial district and got to see the famous Wall Street and that huge bull that everyone loves so damn much. We walked to Battery Park to get a somewhat foggy view of good old Lady Liberty and a very clear view of Spongebob Squarepants himself. We meandered to and outdoor food/shopping pier to meet Alex and his co-worker for lunch before heading to Brooklyn Bridge. I snapped some pictures of the city and the water around us, yet the camera did not to the magnificent city justice. Once again. It was a hot and muggy day so around five we decided to head back to the apartment after grabbing some delicious gelato from "El Labratorio"--a past favorite for me. We relaxed until we decided to head back out--this time across town to meet New York local and long time friend of Alex's, Tomas. Alex and I hopped on the subway and took the long ride across town, stopping once for a quick Chipotle fix. From there (and after watching a chunk of one of my favorite flicks--Slumdog Millionaire) we hit up a few bars back near Alex's place and danced deep into the night. The End. Just kidding, that just sounded really corny. But it really was deep into the night--clubs and bars shut down around 3:30 or 4 in the morning--just the time I would normally be actually falling asleep from a night out. So you can imagine after closing, the loitering, the eating of hot dogs, bedtime is almost at sunrise. Gotta love it.
Saturday we got up at the ungodly hour of noon and made our way to a bar to watch the BC football team get stomped since Alex and Tomas are such good alumni. Afterwards Alex and I walked around taking our time, stopping to sit on a bench to listen to some jam band from Oregon if just lazily relax in the park, basking in the mid afternoon sun. We walked up to Times Square and weaved our way through the masses before meeting up with one of his friends for a drink. Later we feasted on Indian good--a taste that has been missing from my life since Japan. It was a good reunion for my taste buds. After we showered and watched the Rockies win we took a cab to Brooklyn for an apartment fiesta with Tomas and his brother.
Now, this was no normal apartment gathering. From the outside it looked pretty nice and quiet but when we went in the fancy elevators and slick floors made me think this was not just any old apartment. When we got to this guy's place we were greeted by friends of theirs and offered too much food. There was a living room with bedrooms on each side with a big window that opened up to a nice view. But it was up the swirly staircase that was really the amazing view. He had a deck that overlooked all of Manhattan and at that time of night it was absolutely brilliant. The cameras we had didn't reach the city lights so I could only hold this shot in my memory. There is just something unbelievable that something like that was built by the hand of a man. Don't get me wrong, any nature view could out-wow me compared to a city view, but the view of New York from far away is on the top of my breathtaking city views just next to Bangkok, Seoul and Tokyo.
After we had our fix of viewing, eating, drinking and chatting we took a cab back to Manhattan and hit up the clubs once again. We danced until the last possible minute the club was open and probably crawled into bed just a little before 6 am. The next day was a leisurely one, we walked around the apple street fair, eating and watching the crowds. I love street markets so I was heartedly enjoying this one. Plus the apples and apple juice were among the best I've tasted. Must be why they call it the Big Apple! I also got a very trendy NY looking hat and some nice, big, red sunglasses. Later we went to a bar and watched the Broncos lose as we battled our way through three giant plates of nachos. The part of town really came alive at night and on our walk home I was extremely entertained with the people all around us. As well as my own company, we had a great time.
Alex walked and rode with me back to Grand Central and we waited on a staircase for my train. There is a reason they call that place Grand Central--it really is grand. The ceilings are so tall that after a while I can't even really tell where they begin. They are covered with beautiful paintings that arch and turn with the curve of the building. After Alex and I said our goodbyes, I took the train back to Stamford where Lauren and Brett picked me up and took me back to their even more furnished apartment. In my absence they had an extremely productive weekend!
The next day Lauren and I just hung out before she took me to the airport that was actually in New York, but closer to CT. We had a teary hug--saying goodbye never gets any easier. This time was different because although we have somewhat become more accustomed to goodbyes, we always knew when the next time we would see each other would be. This time it is a mystery. I did feel better knowing that her journey was going to be an exciting adventure and she has been waiting a long time for this!
My journey home was a long one--a layover in Atlanta with a delayed flight and by the time I finally got home, sleep was heavy on my mind. Since then things have been a whirlwind. I started packing since I signed a lease on an apartment near wash park (!!), and I tried to get back in the swing of subbing, working out and friends. We had a game night, the last night of Denver Cruisers (ski in ski out theme) and the big weekend move. I literally spent all weekend shopping, packing and organizing to get everything moved over by Sunday. My goal was complete with the help of four of my best friends and of course my parents. By the time nine o'clock Sunday night rolled around I was comfortably sitting in my new apartment, everything put in its respected places and boxes stacked to the ceiling. My main tasks this week will be decorating and running. Lots of running. I signed up for a 10k a few months ago thinking I would be ready. Ha! Funny how time just slips away and somehow there it is--the date you thought was so far away is right in your face.
Laying in bed last night I couldn't help but just feel excited for life. It took me forever to just fall asleep because my mind wouldn't turn off. There are so many things I want to accomplish and I feel like this move finally revved my motivation into gear. The year after Japan was an interesting one and although there were times where I felt extremely stagnant and frustrated with myself, there was also growth going on that only my older self can look back and see. Japan expanded me, made me grow in unimaginable ways and just because I was home and not learning something new everyday doesn't mean that I wasn't learning at all. I was taking in the relationships around me, molding them into something that could last the rest of my life. I was learning how to deal with uncertainty and most of all learning how to know and feel good about myself. Of course I wavered, of course I lost my footing at times, but if I did not I would not be human. I feel I am in a better place now than I was six months ago and I just hope to continue to grow so I can say that six months from now.
It seems the real reason I couldn't sleep is because I cannot wait to see where the road ahead takes me. I am elated because so far it has taken me on a pretty amazing and wild ride. Now that, my friends, is a good reason for not being able to sleep!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
It's about time. Geeze.
I have to admit, it is a bit ridiculous how long it has taken me to get motivated to write a post. I mean I wish I could say, the kids are crazy and my job is tiring and I am just trying to keep everyone in line and I'm so busy but that would all be a big. FaT. LIE. I'm bored. I know, I know, I should be able to entertain myself, right? Only boring people get bored, right? Well fine. I'm boring then. Its just that this not really job thing is kinda starting to drive me nuts. Who would have thought? Being able to do what I want everyday. Working out, hanging out, going out. Well sometimes the lack of structure makes me feel like driving into a structure. Ok, that was a bad one. I think I've gotten my point across. I wouldn't be so restless if I could just accept the downtime. I know there is a time and it is coming that I will be too busy to breathe. But that's hard to look at now when I want something--anything to do. I just feel like there is something I should be doing all this time. I should be creating some grand project (hence my scrapbook materials that are now gathering dust) or writing a story (like the one left unfinished for the past four months), or really getting serious about getting into shape (my everyday gym visits are cancelled out by my social life), or volunteering (ha, yeah right), or SOMETHING. Its just that I have a hard time when there is no time limit. I mean, all of these things are something I can get around to whenever. There is no deadline. I work better with deadlines. Even if I do save everything until the night before. At least that way it gets done somehow. So I need to make a schedule for myself. No more pussy footing around. Or whatever that phrase is.
Sticking to my original plan, I am going to write about Australia. In minor detail since I have forgotten most of major ones.
Well I would like to start off by saying I can't wait to go back. Which I know I will do someday because I have a grand friend who resides there and I plan on visiting her asap. We flew into Sydney and because the flight was so accommodating, I had little jet lag and we were able to walk around the harbor before my brother met us. The time in Sydney was great, we got to go on a boat ride around the harbor, a car tour through the most expensive areas and just walk along the coast all the while admiring the view of the Opera House and the bridge. At night we ate right near the water and enjoyed some white wine and fine dining. We got to venture to the aquarium which is now my favorite aquarium of all time because of all the great marine life. I loved the clean and vibrant city. The night life was something I was not able to experience since we were so tired (not to mention with the parental units), but it sure was a sight. There is a lot of Sydney we just didn't have time to see, but what I did see of it was amazing.
From there we went to the tropical resort island--Hamilton Island. It was absolutely breath taking. I felt like I was honestly in paradise. White cockatoos filled the air and we were a mere 5 minute walk to the most crystal clear waters I had ever seen. We snorkeled, walked along the beach, laied out by the many pools, bbqed at night, read on the deck of our giant hotel and just enjoyed the tropical weather. It was the vacation I had always dreamed of.
From there we were off to Magnetic Island--the small island a 20 minute ferry ride from where Grant's uni was. The island was small but full of things to do. We went on a hike where we saw 5 koalas, rode our "moke" (small carish thing) to the place where the rock wallabies resided and walked along the endless miles of beach. The jelly fish were beginning to travel inland so the beach we were going to swim on was closed. The bonus was that we go to see one digesting a fish! It was crazy to watch. Our day there was filled to the brim with things to do and the next day we took the ferry back to Townsville. We got to walk around Grant's town and see small town Australian life. We ate out, we swam, and after my parents left we even got to go scuba diving for the second and third time that trip!
Our big dive was the S.S. Yongala--a wreak dive. It was about a two hour boat ride out past the inner reef to a relatively shallow part in the water where the boat sunk years ago. Since this boat had been laying on its side for so long, it had virtually turned into an artificial reef. It was teeming with brilliant life. There were giant fish everywhere you looked, sea snakes, sea turtles, the most beautiful coral--it was truly an unbelievable ecosystem that I had only witnessed through video. To be there, in the flesh--able to reach out and touch a fish swimming past was something like a dream. It was hard for me to grasp the reality. I could have stayed down there for days just watching. It was impossible to see everything even though we went down twice for about 30 minutes each time. We saw a giant Queensland grouper and even a manta ray swimming above us. It was a sight I had honestly dreamt about time and time again and I had never felt more at peace. It is a dive I will never forget.
The rest of the time in Townsville was a blur. We went to the Billabong Sanctuary, hung out with Grant's friends and just had a good time. I loved every minute of the time I spent down unda, and as I said before, I cannot wait to go back! Melbourne awaits me!
I apologize for the brevity of this post, I seem to have lost my value to think logically, creatively or otherwise. Hopefully my next post will be less scatter brained! To hopes for brain activity in the future!
Sticking to my original plan, I am going to write about Australia. In minor detail since I have forgotten most of major ones.
Well I would like to start off by saying I can't wait to go back. Which I know I will do someday because I have a grand friend who resides there and I plan on visiting her asap. We flew into Sydney and because the flight was so accommodating, I had little jet lag and we were able to walk around the harbor before my brother met us. The time in Sydney was great, we got to go on a boat ride around the harbor, a car tour through the most expensive areas and just walk along the coast all the while admiring the view of the Opera House and the bridge. At night we ate right near the water and enjoyed some white wine and fine dining. We got to venture to the aquarium which is now my favorite aquarium of all time because of all the great marine life. I loved the clean and vibrant city. The night life was something I was not able to experience since we were so tired (not to mention with the parental units), but it sure was a sight. There is a lot of Sydney we just didn't have time to see, but what I did see of it was amazing.
From there we went to the tropical resort island--Hamilton Island. It was absolutely breath taking. I felt like I was honestly in paradise. White cockatoos filled the air and we were a mere 5 minute walk to the most crystal clear waters I had ever seen. We snorkeled, walked along the beach, laied out by the many pools, bbqed at night, read on the deck of our giant hotel and just enjoyed the tropical weather. It was the vacation I had always dreamed of.
From there we were off to Magnetic Island--the small island a 20 minute ferry ride from where Grant's uni was. The island was small but full of things to do. We went on a hike where we saw 5 koalas, rode our "moke" (small carish thing) to the place where the rock wallabies resided and walked along the endless miles of beach. The jelly fish were beginning to travel inland so the beach we were going to swim on was closed. The bonus was that we go to see one digesting a fish! It was crazy to watch. Our day there was filled to the brim with things to do and the next day we took the ferry back to Townsville. We got to walk around Grant's town and see small town Australian life. We ate out, we swam, and after my parents left we even got to go scuba diving for the second and third time that trip!
Our big dive was the S.S. Yongala--a wreak dive. It was about a two hour boat ride out past the inner reef to a relatively shallow part in the water where the boat sunk years ago. Since this boat had been laying on its side for so long, it had virtually turned into an artificial reef. It was teeming with brilliant life. There were giant fish everywhere you looked, sea snakes, sea turtles, the most beautiful coral--it was truly an unbelievable ecosystem that I had only witnessed through video. To be there, in the flesh--able to reach out and touch a fish swimming past was something like a dream. It was hard for me to grasp the reality. I could have stayed down there for days just watching. It was impossible to see everything even though we went down twice for about 30 minutes each time. We saw a giant Queensland grouper and even a manta ray swimming above us. It was a sight I had honestly dreamt about time and time again and I had never felt more at peace. It is a dive I will never forget.
The rest of the time in Townsville was a blur. We went to the Billabong Sanctuary, hung out with Grant's friends and just had a good time. I loved every minute of the time I spent down unda, and as I said before, I cannot wait to go back! Melbourne awaits me!
I apologize for the brevity of this post, I seem to have lost my value to think logically, creatively or otherwise. Hopefully my next post will be less scatter brained! To hopes for brain activity in the future!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Time Has Come
The time has come to actually put my blogging mind and fingers to work once again. It has been much too long and the only excuse I have for that is a severe lack of inspirational brain activity. I can't say its back, but I had to get the wheels turning at some point.It's strange to come on again after so much time has passed--especially with my last post and the emotional weight of everything that was going on. It still hits me when I read it, I am taken back to that place. Back to that city, back to that town and back to my apartment where I would type basically on the floor, feet stretched out in front of me and a whole other world just down the hall and out the door. It seems like it was not a mere four months ago, not even like it was a year ago. It feels like a lifetime has passed since I sat in that apartment and typed that last entry. It was a whole other world, a whole other part of myself that if I am not careful could be hidden behind what I have always known to be me back on familiar territory. But then there is the part of me that has changed, the part that I don't see anymore, the part that has just become me.
I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that it hasn't even been a half of a year. I am bothered by it actually. I am bothered at how incredibly easy it was to come home and forget the frustrations, the mysteries, the beauty, the challenge and the passion I once felt for Japan. It will always be there, but it is not as prominent as I would have liked. There are times where I have to take a step back and remind myself that it was real and I was living it. It is all too easy to get wrapped up in the everyday life in your own comfort zone and I fell right back into it the moment I stepped on Colorado soil. Not that I meant to or even wanted to, but things were so busy right at first that reflecting on my own personal progress wasn't really in my daily activities. Now, as we are nearing the end of November and I have had time to eat the food I missed, catch up with the people I missed and do all of the things I've missed, I am finally able to take a step back and see where I am at in life. I have come to the conclusion for now that I am right where I am supposed to be. I have done something I am proud of and I have come back and done what I can to make a place for myself in society once again. Nothing is troublesome to me right now and because of that I am truly happy. I can finally live in the moment and not think about what is to come or what should come, I can just let the chips fall where they may.
It's funny how time always sneaks up on you. I have written about it time and time again, but I will never get used to it. The other day I spoke in a classroom about Japan and teaching abroad opportunities and just traveling in general and as I spoke I reminded myself of everything I had done, everything I had seen and all of the experiences I had. I talked for the whole 90 minute class period twice in a row without even missing a beat. Only something that you are truly passionate about is something you can go on about for days. I hadn't even realized how much I went through until I had that time to explain it all. I hadn't even realized how much I missed it until I had to explain it all.I have my days here just as I did in Japan where I will love it or hate it or just want to go back to a home I am not really sure exists anymore. But I know in my heart of hearts I made the right decision. Now the next best decision would be to go back and pay those good folks a visit! I am in the place I wanted to be, but I am not the same person I was when I envisioned myself in this place. Because of that, as I have said before, I will be forever grateful to Japan as well as the people I met there.
Thankfully there will never be a time in my life where I am not missing. My eyes have been opened to the world around me and I will not rest until I can no longer see because it is the experiences and the people we meet that will forever change our lives. And for me, this is just the beginning. In the meantime I will enjoy the here and now because when you blink, it's gone.
I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that it hasn't even been a half of a year. I am bothered by it actually. I am bothered at how incredibly easy it was to come home and forget the frustrations, the mysteries, the beauty, the challenge and the passion I once felt for Japan. It will always be there, but it is not as prominent as I would have liked. There are times where I have to take a step back and remind myself that it was real and I was living it. It is all too easy to get wrapped up in the everyday life in your own comfort zone and I fell right back into it the moment I stepped on Colorado soil. Not that I meant to or even wanted to, but things were so busy right at first that reflecting on my own personal progress wasn't really in my daily activities. Now, as we are nearing the end of November and I have had time to eat the food I missed, catch up with the people I missed and do all of the things I've missed, I am finally able to take a step back and see where I am at in life. I have come to the conclusion for now that I am right where I am supposed to be. I have done something I am proud of and I have come back and done what I can to make a place for myself in society once again. Nothing is troublesome to me right now and because of that I am truly happy. I can finally live in the moment and not think about what is to come or what should come, I can just let the chips fall where they may.
It's funny how time always sneaks up on you. I have written about it time and time again, but I will never get used to it. The other day I spoke in a classroom about Japan and teaching abroad opportunities and just traveling in general and as I spoke I reminded myself of everything I had done, everything I had seen and all of the experiences I had. I talked for the whole 90 minute class period twice in a row without even missing a beat. Only something that you are truly passionate about is something you can go on about for days. I hadn't even realized how much I went through until I had that time to explain it all. I hadn't even realized how much I missed it until I had to explain it all.I have my days here just as I did in Japan where I will love it or hate it or just want to go back to a home I am not really sure exists anymore. But I know in my heart of hearts I made the right decision. Now the next best decision would be to go back and pay those good folks a visit! I am in the place I wanted to be, but I am not the same person I was when I envisioned myself in this place. Because of that, as I have said before, I will be forever grateful to Japan as well as the people I met there.
Thankfully there will never be a time in my life where I am not missing. My eyes have been opened to the world around me and I will not rest until I can no longer see because it is the experiences and the people we meet that will forever change our lives. And for me, this is just the beginning. In the meantime I will enjoy the here and now because when you blink, it's gone.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Colorado
I made it home. Somehow in one piece.
So far I have not really experienced anything reverse culture shock like...I am hoping I can just breeze over that part. Although it has only been about two weeks.
Home is everything I knew it would be and more; good friends, fam, food, dancing, relaxing and catching up. But of course I left a little piece of me in Japan, so I am missing the peeps out there. It comforts me to know that they are just a letter away.
And then I can do what I did all year in Japan is look up at the moon and know that we are all on the same planet.
From now on I will make this into a travel blog where I can post anything about any sort of travels I will be doing in the future. Who knows where life will lead me!
So far I have not really experienced anything reverse culture shock like...I am hoping I can just breeze over that part. Although it has only been about two weeks.
Home is everything I knew it would be and more; good friends, fam, food, dancing, relaxing and catching up. But of course I left a little piece of me in Japan, so I am missing the peeps out there. It comforts me to know that they are just a letter away.
And then I can do what I did all year in Japan is look up at the moon and know that we are all on the same planet.
From now on I will make this into a travel blog where I can post anything about any sort of travels I will be doing in the future. Who knows where life will lead me!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Five Days Time
Four
More
Sleeps.
It's a race with the clock and time has proved victorious before, I don't know why it would go any differently now. My apartment is littered with random things leftover from a mass deleting process that ended in a thirty foot trash drop. The blank walls stare back at me as if to help push me out of the way so time can get a head start. It's just not fair. I want to be able to control it but it is impossible. The noise becomes more audible. Maybe because there is less furniture. Maybe because I am hearing the silence for the first time in a while. Maybe because I am listening to the silence for the first time in a while. It has become more of a comfort to me than I ever thought and if there is nothing else I can take with me after this year, this new found relationship with myself will be plenty. I turned off the music so I can hear the sounds of me in this country that has been my home for the past year.
The frogs chatter noisily outside and a car drives by. My fan hums, my fingers click on the keyboard.In the morning I will be woken by one thousand buzzing cicadas and the stifling heat that has you breathing in water. I will roll off the futon onto the ground right next to it. It will be close to the last time I will wake up like that. In five days time I will be waking up to the sounds of footsteps, ringing phones, dogs barking, air so crisp it strings the lungs. I will be waking up on a bed instead of four inches off the ground. My head will be swirling with dreams of Japan. I will be confused, I will be elated, I will be deflated. I will go through the same process I did when I came here. Hurting is natural after a something good is over and although hurting is never looked forward to or enjoyed, it is the only way we can truly process and rid ourselves of unwanted feelings. In five days time I will be waking up to this person who I think I know, who I have seen in this bed before, in this house before, but it will not be the same person. It will be me one year older. One year away from everything I have ever known. One year come full circle back to the familiar and on to the new me.
It will probably feel like I have intense over acuteness of the senses. Well, I guess after jet lag kicks in. At least I hope for that. I want to see this place from a different perspective, I want to feel moved, I want to feel the passion that rolled around in me all year for this place and these people, I want to breathe and really and truly feel that crispness I have been longing for for so long. I want to be content with where I will be in life, I want to feel at peace with myself, even if it is just for a short time before time starts rearing it's ugly head once again. I want to know that I have done something grand and I can be proud of myself for it. I still don't know how I should feel because I am still here. It's always easier to get a better view if you take a few steps back. Which I will be doing. Right back over the ocean. Right back into the life that I have always lived.
In five days time I will not know the answer but I will feel closer to it. In five days time the blur of life will spin around and around me and if I sit still for too long it will pass me by. In five days time I will have to fall into the spinning blur for hopes that I can be a part of this chaos that went on without me while I was gone. In five days time I will not say good morning in Japanese, instead I will say it in English. In five days time I will not be engrossed with giant spiders or strange fashions. In five days time I will see the faces I have missed and then I will miss the faces I have seen. In five days time I will feel a champion at the language, I will conquer the roads not on my little red bike with the basket but in a big SUV with the air conditioner. In five days time I will look like everyone else and they will not pass me a second glance. In five days time I will hug the people who I have only seen through a web cam and then I will get online and not be able to hug the same person I was hugging yesterday. In five days time I will feel the thin air, feel the love around me, I will feel the heaviness of my heart, I will not no what to do. In five days time I will be in Colorado. In five days time Japan will be just a memory.
More
Sleeps.
It's a race with the clock and time has proved victorious before, I don't know why it would go any differently now. My apartment is littered with random things leftover from a mass deleting process that ended in a thirty foot trash drop. The blank walls stare back at me as if to help push me out of the way so time can get a head start. It's just not fair. I want to be able to control it but it is impossible. The noise becomes more audible. Maybe because there is less furniture. Maybe because I am hearing the silence for the first time in a while. Maybe because I am listening to the silence for the first time in a while. It has become more of a comfort to me than I ever thought and if there is nothing else I can take with me after this year, this new found relationship with myself will be plenty. I turned off the music so I can hear the sounds of me in this country that has been my home for the past year.
The frogs chatter noisily outside and a car drives by. My fan hums, my fingers click on the keyboard.In the morning I will be woken by one thousand buzzing cicadas and the stifling heat that has you breathing in water. I will roll off the futon onto the ground right next to it. It will be close to the last time I will wake up like that. In five days time I will be waking up to the sounds of footsteps, ringing phones, dogs barking, air so crisp it strings the lungs. I will be waking up on a bed instead of four inches off the ground. My head will be swirling with dreams of Japan. I will be confused, I will be elated, I will be deflated. I will go through the same process I did when I came here. Hurting is natural after a something good is over and although hurting is never looked forward to or enjoyed, it is the only way we can truly process and rid ourselves of unwanted feelings. In five days time I will be waking up to this person who I think I know, who I have seen in this bed before, in this house before, but it will not be the same person. It will be me one year older. One year away from everything I have ever known. One year come full circle back to the familiar and on to the new me.
It will probably feel like I have intense over acuteness of the senses. Well, I guess after jet lag kicks in. At least I hope for that. I want to see this place from a different perspective, I want to feel moved, I want to feel the passion that rolled around in me all year for this place and these people, I want to breathe and really and truly feel that crispness I have been longing for for so long. I want to be content with where I will be in life, I want to feel at peace with myself, even if it is just for a short time before time starts rearing it's ugly head once again. I want to know that I have done something grand and I can be proud of myself for it. I still don't know how I should feel because I am still here. It's always easier to get a better view if you take a few steps back. Which I will be doing. Right back over the ocean. Right back into the life that I have always lived.
In five days time I will not know the answer but I will feel closer to it. In five days time the blur of life will spin around and around me and if I sit still for too long it will pass me by. In five days time I will have to fall into the spinning blur for hopes that I can be a part of this chaos that went on without me while I was gone. In five days time I will not say good morning in Japanese, instead I will say it in English. In five days time I will not be engrossed with giant spiders or strange fashions. In five days time I will see the faces I have missed and then I will miss the faces I have seen. In five days time I will feel a champion at the language, I will conquer the roads not on my little red bike with the basket but in a big SUV with the air conditioner. In five days time I will look like everyone else and they will not pass me a second glance. In five days time I will hug the people who I have only seen through a web cam and then I will get online and not be able to hug the same person I was hugging yesterday. In five days time I will feel the thin air, feel the love around me, I will feel the heaviness of my heart, I will not no what to do. In five days time I will be in Colorado. In five days time Japan will be just a memory.
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